Yawning Torment - a one night rollercoaster of my mind
Sunday, March 27, 2022 2:22 AM
Such a perfect entanglement of sacred sexual energy. In our embrace, shared orgasmic energy, cultivating my vision of a shared expression my dreams for the collective to express in this life impeccably. So close to sleeping in this perfect energy, yet we pull away to wash before we sleep. Retuning to bed yawing, so tired, so ready for sleep to whisk me away.
Yet. When I am horizontal, despite our resumed embrace, my mind torments me.
Tonight, it began with a thought of a sailboat. A seed I planted in my mind a few weeks ago which I have allowed to grow. This first began with the observation that Sayulita could benefit from a business providing small sail craft and lessons – an aquatic alternative for when the wind blows the surf flat. I could imagine acquiring a few Lasers, Sunfish, and Hobie cats and having them available for folks in Sayulita. I could teach some of the locals to sail, if they don’t know already, and then have the boats there for them to exchange their services with whomever when the days are right. They could teach sailing, rent the boats, or take their family and friends out for a joy ride. What a perfect use of some sailboats? What a perfect business model to grow the value of and in the community?
This idea, has expanded into consideration of the prospects of a caption’s license and a pilot's license. I have sailed, not in a long time, but it was a deep pleasure. I have never flown, but it has been a dream. The ability to do both appeals to me. I have no desire to own a car. But to be able to sail and fly holds my attention. To move around and live in such a fashion as soaring in the sky or sailing on the sea fascinate me.
Today’s development of the sailing idea was an evolution of my perplexation that I have money invested in the stock market. At present, including a Roth IRA, over $25,000. Over half of that is accessible. I often question why I have such investments. What is my money doing? It maybe is growing a little bit for me, but how? Foundationally, I disagree with the stock market. It is an expression of capital which allows for homogenization of the diversity of life energy. It grows the monetary value that appears with imaginary numbers on a screen at the expense of the living world, both the people and the biological foundations we depend on. Surplus monitory value is created at the expense of the massive energetic complexity of Earth-life. Such an economic system is not with the intention to improve living conditions on Earth. It is to increase monetary value. The stock market enables this. This overall, is an energetic expression I disagree with, so why do I contribute to it? Furthermore. My feelings on how the near future will unfold, if it in line with my dreams, is that markets of such a form and energy will collapse. According to this feeling, I am contributing my capital to a system I disagree with while having my faith invested in its collapse. This is paradoxical.
Yet. I don’t have a better immediate alternative for my money. What else should I do with $14,000? An idea my Love proposed is to purchase a sailboat. I could then live on the boat and sail to where I must be. I fancy such an idea but feel I may need more capital and experience to make such a reality. Also, discipline, mostly discipline.
From this thought the torment began. First with the robots. I have an opportunity before me with Sunrob to not only introduce an innovative product to a new market, but to shape how the market can accept such innovation. This puts me in a position of influence - how such a form of a self-contained, highly mobile robotic milling system can be utilized to improve the life experience in North America. How the design and development processes can improve the small business community in Finland. This is a grand opportunity, and a grand challenge. Furthermore, there is an ability for monetary return for my influence – in the order of over $20,000 a piece. So why have I not given more energy to this opportunity? I can’t say the number of nights in the past few months it has tormented me. But I can say they greatly outnumber the number of days I have spent actively searching for a solution. I am conflicted, to a degree, because I want to put my right energy into such a task. I want to approach this opportunity with nuance. I do not want to just sell Sunrob’s product. I want to connect their innovation with a worthy customer. I have taken time, with this opportunity in mind, to see what I have observed of the potential market. What torments me at night is knowing I need to be more proactive. I must find a balance of a flow state with intention. I must act upon more of my ideas, so they enter this physical reality. I know where I must start – the contacting of certain entities I have connection within water and sanitation, in construction and development. I must simply do this and follow the path. My frustration that I have not yet done this, for this topic first plagued my mind.
It then expanded to many other topics. To skiing, to teaching. First, confused by my thoughts for why I have not “formally” progressed my education? Why I’ve not done my Cert 2, or any continuing education credits. I know there is no economic incentive, and I have had little motivation to research opportunities. I know I disagree with my consenting to being exploited by Vail Resorts - providing a service that costs customer’s $1350 a day, a value I fully deliver for a meagre compensation of $150 a day. But why have I not been exposed to such continuing education opportunities? If I was told, “this week you can do this clinic, sign up.” I would. Yet I haven’t been told that. So I haven’t signed up. Excuses, excuses.
This thought train only expanded to my frustration with the energetic expression of the ski industry in North America. Vail Resorts, of course, being a dominate expression, but generally, the structure of the industry to price people out, to extract from places and their communities, so that the bottom line grows. So that my little money in the stock market grows. This frustration that I have observed deeply this season, yet I have not proactively addressed. I have addressed the issues, and my directions of solutions with my colleges, clients, managers, and community members and have received support for my ideas. However, I have yet to get a meeting with someone of influence in the industry to present an alternative strategy. A strategy which will grow a far more prosperous dynamic within the ski community. A strategy which will improve the energetic relationships of customers, employees, service providers, host communities and environments.
The scope of this strategy, and the stakeholders I feel I must consult, also torments my mind. The intricacies of my community; the desire to intimately understand the energetic needs of the community so it may be a prosperous expression. The needs of the children, families, educators, healthcare providers, needs of hospitality, real estate, construction, service providers, of artists, creatives, innovators. My desire to understand where there is energetic diversity and where there is not, so that attention may be creatively focused to fostering such diversity perquisite for evolution and innovation.
This scope sprawls past my immediate geographic area. Beyond Vail Valley, beyond Eagle County, beyond Pitkin, Garfield, and Summit Counties, beyond Colorado. It involves my communities in Pennsylvania: Hill Ties, F&M, skiing, community agriculture, rowing, water-polo, triathlon, biking. It involves my ties to NYC, DC, the Jersey Shore, Boston. It involves my connections beyond the geographic boarders of the USA. Communities in Costa Rica, Finland, Sweden, Switzerland, Italy, Austria, Germany, Norway, Netherlands, France and Mexico. It involves the communities of many dear friends speckled across the world: Iran, Nepal, Russia, Ghana, Vietnam, Nigeria, Bolivia, Spain, Iraq, Cameroon, Korea, Colombia, Slovakia and many more… What torments my mind is not the scope of this all, for overall the energy I feel of this apparent sprawl is so simple.
What torments me is that I have not taken action in a manner that satisfies me. I have not made my thoughts accessible to most of my community – to those whom I wish to benefit. I have not done so primarily because I don’t not want my words representing my ideas to be taken as perfect. For the words I use to describe these ideas are imperfect, they are evolving as I learn. I do, however, want the energy behind my words, my intentions, to be felt and understood impeccably. And this is my grand, internal resistance. I want to be impeccable with my word. Yet, I am conveying my ideas in an imperfect language. The True language I wish to communicate in is that of my Soul energy. But this is maybe a forgotten art which I am ever so gradually uncovering.
- Trexler